F*** My Life

Feeling like a BIG OLE MESS today? Well head on over to fmylife.com and post your anecdote for the masses to read! These are hilarious! The best part is agreeing with the post or voting that the person "deserved" what happened to them.

Here are a few of today's notable posts:

Today, I was walking down the street and i saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. I thought it fell out of the pocket of the man in front of me so i decided to do the right thing and i asked him if he dropped it. He said yes and took it. I later realized the 20 dollars was mine. FML

Today, friends threw me a party for finishing my dissertation. I've worked on it for months. They carried my computer downstairs to have music, dropping it halfway. My work was on there. Only back-up? On my flash drive I just found on the floor, crushed by someone's foot. It's due tomorrow. FML

Today, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. FML

www.FMyLife.com

Put a ring on it...... takes a whole new meaning

Check those Frosty drinks before drinking them! This story is a big ole mess. Although they did get flown to New York to appear on the Today Show. She ate the Frosty on a Tuesday and it came out on Thursday (ewwww!). Our hope is that she is getting another ring as this one might be a bit too repulsive for folks to admire.

BOM!!!

SURPRISE! Red-Staters Top Consumers of Porn

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Nation's Capital Pretending to Work Today

So, since Obama said the following on January 28th, 2009:

"My children's school was canceled today. Because of what? Some ice?" he said, a note of derisive incredulity creeping into his voice. "As my children pointed out, in Chicago, school is never canceled. In fact, my 7-year-old pointed out, you'd go outside for recess in weather like this. You wouldn't even stay indoors." - The Washington Post

...the feds at OPM (www.opm.gov/status) were fearful to cancel work for Federal Employees in Washington, DC today! If they had I'm sure Oblahblah would have started out his 1:00pm press conference (to announce Gov. Kathleen Sebelius as HHS secretary) deriding the local officials and OPM itself. Since yesterday the DC area has had 6-9 inches of snow. This is a completely different environment than it was on January 28th with a lil' snow and some ice.

Obama forgets that DC is a city full of people from all over the country and all walks of life. People mixing together culture and DRIVING patterns. I made my way to work today just fine, but I'm sure new (and possibly old) residents from the South are not having fun today on the roads! The old Texas administration would have canceled work in a heartbeat!

Some of you are probably thinking, "OMG...it's no big deal...just some snow". Well that's fine and dandy, but I'm telling you regardless if federal employees came into work today or not: ain't nothin' gettin' done fo yo asses today by the feds. This whole day is awash and a big ole mess.

Video Bloggers = BIG OLE MESS

OK, I'm on a roll today. I added a new "ad unit" to the right side of the page. It's something new that YouTube and Google's Adsense have put together. Anyway, I really had no idea what would pop up there, but as you can see it's a lot of video bloggers. So far, the entries displayed have been crazies. Check it out for yourself! You can now view big ole messes like the one above via video everyday. Just click on the right! LOL

Open it Steve!

Ya'll remember the curtain not opening during the Best Supporting Actress montage at the Oscars this year? I totally forgot about it. We could hear someone on the mic yelling "Steve! Open it!". LOL...that was a mess, but Entertainment Weekly cleared up the matter here:

''Steve is a stagehand,'' confirms a rep for the Academy, who assures us that the goof was not the poor guy's fault. ''He is not in trouble. It was a technical glitch.''

Technical glitch or not, I thought it was a precursor for the rest of the telecast. Thankfully it wasn't because I thought it was one of the BEST Oscars in years! =)

Biden Needs Your Website "Number"

Is Joe Biden taking over for George W. Bush in the gaffe department? Biden comes across as uninformed in this video from CNN's Jeanne Moos. He didn't know what the website ADDRESS was for the public information on the new stimulus plan. He asked his aides for the website "number" during a live interview...MESS! In subsequent speeches he would state ".com" intead of ".gov". The stimulus bill website is www.Recovery.GOV for those that want to know. Oh, and by the way Biden, my website number is www.BigOleMess.com!

Honk if You're Paying my Mortgage!

LOL!! This is awesome. The Tennessee Republican Party is making these. Here's their press release about the stickers:

The Tennessee Republican Party has released a new bumper sticker designed to let people express their frustration with the relentless march by the Obama administration and the out-of-control Democrat Congress to enact endless “bailouts” and “economic stimulus” packages that are pushing America trillions of dollars deeper into debt.
The sticker, which reads HONK if you’re paying my mortgage, is available on the Tennessee Republican Party’s website, www.tngop.org, for a small donation to the party.
“If President Obama gets his way, the 92 percent of American homeowners who pay their mortgages on time will be forced to do with less in the future so that the Obama administration can use their money to reward banks that offered bad loans to customers who had no business accepting them,” said Bill Hobbs, communications director for the Tennessee Republican Party. “Government has no business forcing one American to pay another American’s mortgage. It’s time for the Obama administration to stop the bailout madness, unshackle the economy and the creativity of the American people by reducing personal and business taxes and cutting government red-tape and interference in the economy, and let the free markets work.”

I know one thing: I've been paying my mortgage ON TIME since it started over 1.5 years ago. Ain't no one else payin' it! I kinda wish they were though....maybe for a couple months. That'd be nice!! ;)

SJP: Your Cup Overfloweth

Hey Sarah Jessica....you were NOT at the Golden Globes on Sunday night, but your two best friends sure thought they were! Lordy girl...you almost busted out of the top of that dress! I didn't really notice you during the Red Carpet walk or during the Oscar telecast. A Hawaiian friend sent me your photo. He must have thought you looked quite "sunny" on Sunday night! BTW...I was glad to hear about a possible sequel to the Sex and the City Movie. =)

M-I-Crooked Letta, Crooked Letta-I.....

I LOVE my Bulldogs buuuuuut....someone's head should be rolling for this embarrassing mistake! How about you use spell check before sending the graphic file to the sign fabricator! M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I!!! I'm sure Greg Byrne, the Athletic Director at State, had a nice FIT over this one! OH...and another thing! Where the hell is the new M-State logo? Mississippi State has new Visual Identity Standards that were implemented this past fall. It was a huge deal....where's the new logo??

B.O.M. Watch: What if Ledger Doesn't Win Oscar?

Lord, I would hate to be the actor that was called the winner if not called for Heath. He'd instantly be hated online and probably not know what in the hell to say at the mic....especially with Ledger's family sitting right there in the front or near the front row. Whew! We shall SEE what happens!

I agree with Tom Charity from CNN: "The idea that Heath Ledger won't win for "The Dark Knight" is so unthinkable, I can only imagine mass walk-outs at the ceremony and riots breaking out across the country if it doesn't come to pass." LOL

You can read the full article here about Oscar predictions.

American Idol Background Goth Chorus Runs out of Steam Halfway Through Telecast

Totally kidding...BUT....what in the HELL is up with the dramatic, tense, new background track AI plays while giving contestants results? There is a resounding "aaaaahhhhhHHHHHH" in the middle every 30 seconds or so. It's a little obnoxious.

And can we all breath a HUGE sigh of relief that Tatiana is NOT in the top 12 on American Idol!?! Meltdown on stage tonight! Drama QUEEEEN! (Shhh...Tatiana...here's a seecret....I heard there are 3 wild card spots! You may still have a chance Tatiana! Like one one-thousandth chance girl!)

BigOleMess Furniture Item - GOTTA HAVE IT!

I recently came across this EXQUISITE piece in Calvert, TX. I mean...who doesn't want a camouflage twin headboard for their child's room?

I was quite excited to find this. It means that I can most likely have the same furniture artisan design me a California King headboard in Desert Storm camouflage! I've had this on my list since '91!

Inflight Wi-Fi on Southwest Airlines - User Testimony

Holy shit! I had no idea my flight from Houston Hobby to Baltimore Washington airport was going to have a prototype in-flight Wi-Fi system on it! (See this article.) I'm typing this post from 39,000 feet in the air! I am a BIGOLEMESS right now. Jack and Diet Coke to my right....and I'm about to get into one of my Cadbury Cream Eggs I brought on board with me. I'm one of those people that LOVES them. I also realize there's a group of peeps that HATE them....yeah?...well screw you! They are awesome, and so is in-flight Internet access.

So far, I have had ZERO issues with the in-flight Wi-Fi. It's satellite based from the airplane. There is a slight lag, but nothing horrible. I'm used to lightning fast Verizon FiOS....so to most people the connection speed is probably on par.

Anyway, I definitely wanted to post a blog entry from the air. Yes, I know it's been a while since I've posted and there are WAY too many BIG OLE MESSES I should have covered (OCTO-MOM, the stimulus bill, Coldplay NOT winning Best Album and Best Record at the Grammys...not to mention countless others). Sorry! I'll try to be better about posting.

Signing off from 39,000 feet over the Mississippi Delta (how do I know? well...go here: FlightAware.com)!!

SAG AWARDS 2009 - Katie Holmes

We have to wonder if Katie was rushed to the stage as a presenter last night at the SAG Awards. If you were watching you probably noticed that one headlight was pointing down and one headlight was slightly higher and pointing up. It was a big ole mess. Did she forget her wonder bra, was she wearing a bra or does she just need a dozen big macs to go to help her body adjust to her tiny, tiny frame. At least Katie was part of the surprise of the evening when Sean Penn won best actor for "Milk".

The link for the Ann Coulter smackdown by The View

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGbWSfIL1d4

COULTER vs. THE VIEW

Stay tuned to youtube.com for someone to post the smackdown that Ann Coulter got from Barbara Walters, Whoopi and the ladies of the view. Details are still coming out from this bloodbath and by all accounts it was a MESS of an interview. The conservative voice is a good one to have to balance things out but when Ms. Coulter speaks it just seems more hateful than helpful. Not much else to say except when producers book Ms. Coulter they always know to expect a BIG OLE MESS! Something tells us that today was her last day on The View.

Dinner for 8.......Your Table is READY!!

And the back side is a bigger big ole mess. Look closely and you can see that the thread is screaming for help. Poor J. Lo.....we think she might have rocks in the trunk. Could it be that her insurance rates have gone up with her extra large trunk? BIG OLE MESS!! C'mon J. Lo. You gotta bring it (smaller) next time girl. You'll have a diet coke!!

JLo Presents at and Emulates Golden Globes

JLo...Jenny from the block....GIRL! We haven't seen you in quite some time. Yes, we know you had TWINS...that's a great accomplishment. However, for your first major public appearance I wouldn't have accentuated your ginormous birthing hips for the world to see in a golden metallic plunging neckline/halter-topped number as you did last night! Maybe you want a Golden Globe so badly that you dressed up as one last night?? You certainly looked the part! I'm sure if a Golden Globe Bio-epic is ever produced they will definitely call you first to play the statuette part. Messssss...!

Snuggie or Slanket or... NUDDLE?

OK, up until this point I had heard about the Snuggie and the Slanket. I've done some reading on both online. It seems that the Slanket was the original and the Snuggie is the cheap knock off! The Slanket is more expensive, but looks softer and bigger and comes in a multitude of colors. =) QVC has them for a lot less than the www.theslanket.com website.


Now...here's the MESS. There's a third competitor in the market! It's called the Nuddle Blanket. Who in the hell came up with the name of this thing? It's $110.00! Umm...I think Bon Qui Qui would say, "You can have COKE!" The marketable difference between in the Nuddle and the Snuggie/Slanket is that it has "feet pockets" to keep your feet warm. LOL....hell, just put on some damn SOCKS people! Oh, and if you were wondering what the etymology of "nuddle" is: it comes from "nap" and "cuddle". How absurd. NAP + CUDDLE = NUDDLE. It sounds like a gross sex act. "I got nuddled last night!" That just sounds ewwwwww! B.O.M.!!

(I do want a Slanket though! Someone...buy me one or two!)

Noteable BCS Champtionship Facebook Status Updates

WOW...they sure did get the Championship paraphernalia out QUICK...like in SECONDS!

Status updates noticed:

PA thinks OU and Ohio State should play in a bcs game...at least one them would win. Another SEC National Champ!!!

DB says SEC > everyone else.

BS who is the only team to beat the national champs??? hotty toddy!
(My reply: I knew one of you Ole Miss bastards would point that out! =))

TF says BIG 12 huh, what? Bow down to the power of the SEC, friends!!! Gone to bed after a great GATOR and SEC win!!!! MSU fans, loving this offense! Great hire!

DM hopes Mullen brings Tebow with him to Starkvegas!

JW is loving that pitch/shovel option play. Mullen bring that play here! [to MSU]

KH smiles: OLE MISS 31 National Champs 30! Hotty Toddy!
(My reply: Yet another Ole MESS biatch touting this fact...I hate that it's true!!)
(KH reply: "Ole Miss beat Tx Tech that beat Tx that beat OU and Ole Miss beat UF. Case settled, OLE MISS 2008 Natl Champs!"
(My reply: "You F'n WISH!!")

AS is kinda drunk.

TM is National Champions. Love to b a Florida gator!!!!!!!!!

....and my favorite...and the MESS of the status updates:
PM says rooting for the gators equals voting a republican.
(My reply: shut up you whiny Sooner biatch!)
(TP reply: Now you're just being hateful.)
(My reply: him or me?)
(PTP reply: that one must hurt for the okies.)

Congrats to the University of Florida GATORS! CHOMP!

And then there were 4...................

So....we have to wonder if there will be any catfights now that Kara DioGuardi has been added to the 2009 American Idol lineup of judges. Will it be Kara vs. Simon? Kara vs. Paula? Or the best catfight of all, Kara vs. Ryan. They could all be fighting for camera time and mirror time in the dressing room. Time will tell. From the looks of this publicity photo it looks like American Idol 2009 could be a big ole MESS!

Viola Davis for Best Supporting Actress!

Wow! The seventh film I have watched from the "25 Films to Watch Before Oscar Night" is DOUBT. What a great film. It's based on the the Broadway play by John Patrick Stanley. He also translated it to the screen and directed the movie. This film will definitely receive multiple Oscar nominations. My prediction is based on my opinion and upon the various accolades it has already received.

Overall, the cast's acting was phenomenal. However, the standout and scene stealer is Viola Davis who plays Mrs. Miller. She's only on the screen for a mere 18 or so minutes, but it's definitely worth a nod for holding her own and going toe-to-toe with Meryl Streep in the outdoors walking scene to her place of employment. It was visibly cold the day of shooting and the scene is an emotionally charged one. Her emotions were so wrapped up in character that she didn't even bother to wipe her running nose throughout her dialogue. She just left it until the end. I thought it was genius. It may or may not have been a conscious act, but I don't think it really matters. The scene worked. She is GREAT! Check out the scene below.

The Cat Girl that has a Chihuahua

What if you had a college degree and a post-graduate degree (we're talking esquire here people) and lived in a 100 square foot room with two big ass orange/white cats and one doodoo brown chihuahua (that's still using pee pads to defecate and urinate on...missing most of the time) all the while having to sleep in the scent of used cat litter?

What if you lived with a close friend of mine that has endured the messiness that is the 2nd bedroom of the townhouse you both rent?

What if I stayed over one night, while in town, and you weren't there and said close friend opened the door to your room so I could finally understand how horrible the hardly describable smell that lingers out of your room?

Well, if this were you, I'd tell you that you were one BIG OLE STANKY MESS and should know better than to:

A. Not crate a puppy, thus house breaking the poor thing (he is cute....just a product of bad training)

B. Not clean out cat litter boxes on a daily basis (hell twice a day should be more like it)

and

C. Not offer to repair damages made by cute chihuahua to said friend's belongings immediately

Shame, shame, shame! big, big, BIG OLE MESS....but not as big as J!!

Master Manipulator

I've always felt you were a Master Manipulator, J. What I didn't realize were the extent of your dealings. You've always expressed to me that you are "crazy" and now I truly believe that you are. You need serious help (which I'm sure you realize, but ignore). You played with my heart, my emotions, my relationships/friendships with other people, and most of all my LIFE. The awful thing is that you did the same to a dear friend of mine at the SAME time (we compared notes today). What a fucking cliché. I feel like I'm in an episode of Gossip Girl. You're the Stupid Girl that Shirley Manson sings about in Garbage's hit song from the 90s.

I'm so happy I backed off from you when I did. If I had found out the truth two months ago I'd be devastated. However, now I just feel pity for you. I'm a true believer that people CAN change. Hopefully you will seek help and can indeed change. ....OR maybe some people are just bad apples and you're part of that batch.

What I do know, right this second, that you are indeed a BIG OLE MESS. By far the biggest one of anyone I personally know.

Fringe

How heinous were those University of Texas band uniforms last night at The Fiesta Bowl? My first Big Ole Mess of 2009 is The University of Texas' Marching Band. Fringe on band uniforms ain't right. Burnt orange (urrrange) is a God awful color too. The combination of the two is painful to the eyes! =)

Another Big Ole Mess from the Fiesta Bowl is Ohio State. Why oh why do you continue to CHOKE in the BCS games Buckeyes? I was rooting for ya.....mainly because the Texas band looked ridiculous and I hate burnt orange.

EW's "25 Movies You Should See Before Oscar Night"

The list of 25 movies to see before Oscar night from EW's list are as follows:

1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
2. Slumdog Millionaire
3. Milk
4. Frost/Nixon
5. The Dark Knight
6. Doubt
7. Revolutionary Road
8. WALL-E
9. The Wrestler
10. Gran Torino
11. The Reader
12. Rachel Getting Married
13. Changeling
14. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
15. Tropic Thunder
16. Happy-Go-Lucky
17. The Visitor
18. I've Loved You So Long
19. Frozen River
20. Nothing But the Truth
21. Man on Wire
22. Synecdoche, New York
23. The Duchess
24. Defiance
25. Australia (why is this on the list?!)

So, I've seen 6 of the 25 movies so far. Here's my take on the six:

The Curious Case Benjamin Button was good. I was expecting something profound but didn't get that in the end. It was very Forrest Gump-ish in the way the story was told. I did enjoy it overall despite the 2 hours and 45 min run time. It won't win Best Picture though. Brad Pitt may get nom for Best Actor and Taraji P. Henson (Queenie) for Best Supporting Actress

Rachel Getting Married was good if you like deep family drama with superb acting (Anne Hathaway is really good...should be a lock for a Best Actress nomination.

The Dark Knight was awesome. I loved it. It was a long one but a great ride! Heath Ledger is a shoe-in for Best Supp. Actor Oscar...might get Best Picture nomination.

Wall*E....my favorite by far. I hope it will get a Best Picture nomination. I don't think people realize how much goes into making animated movies these days. The first 30-40 minutes of Wall*E are dialogue free and it's just beautiful. Who would've thought that 2 robots and a roach would be so entertaining. Of course it will win Best Animated...something is seriously F'd up at the Academy if it doesn't!

Milk....really moved me. I had no idea about Gay history...this is Gay History 101. Sean Penn can play anyone...he's a chameleon....he's the male Meryll Streep. He should win Best Actor...and this will get nom for Best Picture...go see it!!

Slumdog Millionaire.......loved it. The way the story is told is very cool. I believe what has captivated most American audiences with this film is learning how life is in India. I know that not all of India is slum-ridden, but wow....I had no idea. The directing is quite amazing and with large a large extras cast it must have been very challenging to coordinate all the large scenes. Slumdog has won most of the critics Best Picture and Best Directing awards....not sure if Oscar will give it to them though. If it does win it will be a triumph for a Bollywood movie. Everyone should see this.

Next on my list is Doubt. I see it tomorrow night.

Resurrection

So, it's been 3 years since my last blog post. WTF! This blog is getting resurrected! I'll go ahead and call myself out for being a Big Ole Mess for not posting in EONS. I've been inspired by my friend who shared his blog with me last night. It's a private blog, but I forgot how much fun (and therapeutic) it is to write. I'm getting back to some things in life that I like! So, here goes!