If you haven't heard by now, The Rapture happens this Saturday! Don't know what the rapture is? Well, Six Feet Under (a groundbreaking HBO series), illustrates it fairly well in the following video (sans the very end...poor lady).
Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. ~ 1 Thess 4:17
Harold Camping, an 89 year old televangelist that operates the Family Radio Network, has predicted that May 21, 2011 is *the day* of *The Rapture*. He has calculated this date from various verses in The Bible. I won't go through the lengthy "proof" of the calculation here, but you can read alllll about it on the eBible Fellowship website.
It's quite absurd to believe these folks that truly think that Saturday is IT. Even the Bible says no one would know exactly when the Second Coming of Jesus Christ would be!
No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ~ Mark 13:32
Despite this, some people have sold all their possessions and have been traveling the country in caravans warning people of the forthcoming Judgement Day. Talk about a bunch of Big Ole Messes! What are these people going to do on SUNDAY when they are still here? I envision and fear mass suicides on Sunday if the Rapture fails to take place. These date-setters have been around for thousands of years. Rapture dates have been set and then passed with nothing happening. Here's an EXHAUSTIVE list of failed and future dates...redonkulous.
Now, I am in no way knocking the act of spreading the "Good News", educating people about Jesus Christ, and/or preparing oneself for an event such as this (preparation should be a daily thing anyway!). HOWEVER, I think it's a waste of time trying to calculate the date of the Second Coming. WWJD? Jesus would look at you come Sunday morning and say, "BLAM! PSYCH! You're a BIG OLE MESS for believing in those false prophets!". If the Rapture *does* occur on Saturday I'm going to chalk it up to pure coincidence as I rise to the clouds. Preferably I hope it's a clear, blue-sky kind of day.
Anywho, if you DO believe in May 21, 2011 I suggest you craiglist all your possessions. Oooh! You could also Zaarly all your belongings! Zaarly is new and helps you buy and sell with people around you. Just make sure you sell for $0 since you won't need any dolla bills in heaven! Also, you might want to check into After the Rapture Petcare if you have any furry friends that will be left behind. If your pet is a honey badger, then don't bother with this. He don't care.
OK, Michael Phelps...you might wanna read what you type out before pressing the [enter] key. YES, yes...we all know what you meant. You meant "SWIMMING strokes", but STILL...people with gutter minds (like me...sometimes...maybe) post these things on blogs (like this one...kinda). Anywho. this Facebook status update is a Big Ole Mess:
What's up hoes?? My better half introduced me to the best animated character OF ALL TIME (cue Kanye) last weekend...BITCH PUDDING!! BLAM!! This Big Ole Animated Wonderful Mess reminds me of a SUPER sassy, blonde haired Suzzanne Sugarbaker (from Designing Women) mashed up with Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas (you know...ghetto-girl voice coming out of a white girl).
She first appeared (for seven seconds) on Robot Chicken during [adult swim] in the "My Black Cherry is Gone" segment. She made QUITE the impression!
***EDIT*** I just found her *real* second appearance! It's here: "Beginning Season Five" in the "Saving Private Gigli" episode of Robot Chicken. BLAM!!
I almost died from the hysterical laughing that ensued after watching the THIRD (and sadly last) appearance of Bitch Puddin: "YO NAME IS ****FACE!!". I have to say I LOVE how she *twirls* out of the door on her exit.
Many peeps are obsessed with Miss Bitch now, and riots may break out if we don't get more of her soon! She's only been on Robot Chicken three times! ugh! Bring her back!! I found two Facebook pages dedicated to Bitch Pudding here and here. Go ahead and LIKE her and get you a taste of some Bitch Puddin!!!